Fix Me Up
by GigaRose
Summary: When Katniss meets Peeta he's just volunteered for her friend Gale, she immediately knows that she needs to protect him. She's only trying to make sure that he knows that someone at home needs him to come home. She's not prepared for what comes home... even when he does. He's changed and so has she.


_Hey guys, _

_This story has been with me for a long time. Since 2013 I think... I thought it time to get out of the box, but tell me what you think? I know there are going to be grammatical mistakes (But I don't have a beta, sooo be nice please). This has been an on-off story for almost a year, because I get busy with work and university making it a short story, but a long time coming you know?_

_~ GR_

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**Playlist:****Coffins -Mister Wives | If I Be Wrong -Wolf Larsen | Ghost Lights – Wood Kid | Ten Feet Tall -Wrabel | Lullabye –Billy Joel**

_Don't wish it were easier. Wish you were better. – Jim Rohn_

**He's Home- Katniss**

I woke up this morning realizing that Peeta never did have what it takes to sit back & be "average" he was born for greatness… and I hated every minute of knowing. But as I hunt today I hear the capitol motto say, _"Don't quite. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion."_

It's only been a month since he was reaped for the 74th Hunger Games. Peeta fought hard and like they say you reap what you sow. They tried to take him from us, but because of his fearlessness he learned to recognize the capitol illusions from the real thing. He became wise and won…

Winning at a cost solely to his mind.

Peeta came home a month ago, but the other twenty-two tributes never can come home. His future has been created by what they lost.

**I'm Wrong Peeta**

You would think after I came home. After I won. After sacrificing myself things would have changed.

But around here I'm just segregated again. Put into a more complex box, shut away from the rest of my district. Someone who killed twenty-two other children, who would want someone like me?

I've come home to nothing and no one. That's why I'm outside today in the woods. What more could the capital do to hurt me? My mind and body were already damaged before I left twelve, and now it's just a little more obvious.

That's why I'm out here. Sitting on a slab of rock, readily surrounded by dense forest of oaks. Being here calms me, and lets me write without interruptions from Haymitch. The woods give me the chance to breathe, and to forget for a little while that I might be broken beyond repair.

So I come here to write, paint, scream and drift from reality. I come here to think and write about a girl.

_Tell me if I'm wrong_

_Tell me if I'm right_

_Tell me if you need a loving hand _

_To help you fall asleep tonight_

_Tell me if I know _

_Tell me if I do _

_Tell me how to fall in love the way you want me to_

_I'll wake with coffee in the morning_

_But she prefers no sugar and a cup of tea_

_Outside the day is up and calling _

_But I don't have to be so, please go back to sleep _

_Stay with me forever_

_Or you could stay with me for now_

**Love at Heart** **Katniss**

He told me before the reaping that he liked me, although he'd never get the chance to act on it.

So I kissed his cheek.

He sounded chilling as he volunteered for Gale, however; he looked strong as he stood on that stage.

So I lifted my hand into the sky.

He breathed a sigh of relief when I can in, but only shouted when I told him he was stupid for volunteering.

So I whispered that I couldn't live without him.

He didn't know what I meant and only wished I would live happily, and I said I'd never know what it was to survive without him.

So he kissed he and said he would come home.

**Motivational Truth********Peeta**

Sometimes I'll catch glimpses of her in the forest. We'll sit near one another on what is now our slab of rock. She hugged me the first time she saw me here- in her woods no less. The next few times she still seemed to be surprised that someone could love this thicket of trees as much as she did. By now Katniss knows that if I didn't have this or her I wouldn't be here anymore.

So as my drifting thoughts come to an end, and I put my papers, pencils, and paints away I see her coming up towards me. She's coming uphill towards me not surprising me by carrying her game bag as well.

I wonder if we'll talk today, I need to talk to someone- I'm desperate. She lays her bag next to her feet and comes to sit next to me, leaning her shoulder against mine. Reminding me that she is here today.

She starts our talk today, and that's rare. " I missed you today."

I'm still quite. I can't know if this is true. I think it's true, I want it to be true, and she only confirms this with a peck on the cheek.

" Peeta come on back, " I snap my head that those worries, so eerily familiar. From the last time I saw her before the games. " I'm worried about you. Do you want to talk about it?", this is too odd coming from her mouth. Katniss normally doesn't want to talk about feelings. Doesn't want to express any public adoration. But she's must be bothered about me if she's willing to ask.

" Why can't I be seen with you in the district? ". I've asked this since the second day I started seeing her. She must try avidly to stay away from me outside of the woods, but it's not like me to wonder into town much these days.

I want you to come home with me at night Katniss.

I want you to be there when I wake up wondering if you're okay.

I want you to need me almost as much as I crave you now.

But I don't tell any of these things. I need her now and with what she feels like she can give me.

" Peeta… I'm trying." Her hand comes to my face, cupping my cheek to turn my face towards her own. " I care about you too much. I have for a long time now, and volunteering for Gale is in no way, shape, or form the reason." She takes her time to lean forward and breathe me in as her forehead leans onto mine. " The past six months have been my strength, and you have given me so much- She's starting to tear up- " you are aware of my flaws, but tell me I'm beautiful. You help me to learn from my mistakes and make me fearless, and because of that I'm more of a lover, because I've felt hate for what's been done to you."

" I'm just so confused right now." She paused.

I know what she really meant. When she wasn't with me or with her family she was with Gale. Gale, a boy whom I had volunteered for in a hope that he would continue to keep the Everdeen family safe.

" I can't do this right now. I thought I could handle this, but I can't. Damn you Katniss, I know I'm supposed to be like how I was before but I can't anymore. Watching you actively ignore me is killing me." I started move away from her and away from our rock surely trudging back to my house of solitude would be better than this.

"Peeta-"

That's when I realized that even though she made me happy, and I made her happy there were things that I could never demand from her.

I'm not good at hiding feelings from her anymore, so I do what saved me in the arena- I run.

**Don't Look Down********Katniss**

One more minute, that's all I would have needed to convince him. Dammit Katniss, you even had it planned today. I reach into my game bag and pull out the meager lunch I had remembered to bring- for us.

Couldn't he have waited one more minute, or maybe I could have been straightforward. Of course he was going to think of Gale if I told him I was confused right now. But I don't know how to tell him that's not what I'm confused about. How do I explain that I've never been sure why it is that he loves me? He told Panem in his interview that he loved a girl back home so much that she'd never forgive him if he died.

So he charmed the nation, managed to score an eight from training, and showed that a baker could be even more deadly than a hunter. Especially if you give him knives- that's how the first four underestimated him. He cried when his district partner died and he looked broken as little Rue gasped here last breath, and raged when he accidentally killed a girl from five.

For the rest of my life I'll hear his screams as Cato gouged his shoulder. I'll see Peeta shakily grasp at his bow and struggle to notch the arrow that he killed two careers.

He shot straight.

**Disregard, Disobey, & Defy Peeta**

I woke up this morning realizing that I don't have what it takes to sit back and be average. I have to act as though I had been born for greatness. I have to ignore the fact that I've been disregarded for most of my life.

The son that should've been a daughter, the boy that shouldn't have loved, a tribute who was supposed to die, and a man who should have been treated as a boy.

I started to hate every minute of my time in district twelve, but I kept telling myself "Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as the man who made others' happy". I suppose my unhappiness wasn't uncommon in the district.

It's nice to be ignored at least I know that no one cares, so I don't have to pretend to be crushed when the tour starts. She hasn't come and I haven't called. This breaking away thing has been less unpleasant than imaginable.

I've learned that I never really knew what it meant to love someone. My family was the worst example possible. In a way we only tolerated each other all of us expect mother. I took glances out my window and learned so much.

Katniss liked to wear something green whether a dyed and frayed piece of leather band, or a shirt obviously her father's. When the sun beat on her she tended to whistle to keep the exhaustion at bay. As she walked daily to and from town she tended to lean on her right heel- maybe her hips were sore from crouching?

One day early morning I walked to the train station with my head in the clouds. Hoping that my supply of paints was coming in this batch. But there on the benches she sat. Neither of us said a word, only the sound of our breathing could have given us away. I inhaled and exhaled the brisk morning air over and over, until it distracted me from what I was seeing.

That was up until she stood up. This moment was my make or break, and a normal person is said to only have one or two of those in a lifetime. This had to be another one of those instances. This was it I had to do something.

A whoosh of air was crushed out of my chest. Arms were clenching around my neck. I wanted to run and also hug her back at the same time. But this moment couldn't have been more perfect because I didn't need to talk. She pulled herself back at arms length and did that for me.

"Can we start over?" silence, "Peeta".

Her voice and my name. Her beautiful melodic voice was saying my cursed, cruel, and evil name. It made no sense.

Her arm drifted up and stopped at my damaged shoulder.

"You don't know how much I have come to miss you." She whispered.

And all I could think in that moment was, " You look good".

"You've looked better". I wonder how ridiculous and weird I sound, but then again I don't care it's not like we're friends anyway.

"Can we talk some more-" I want to say no but she barrels onward " I-I-I want to explain and work on being with you- no friends with you again". She said the last part quietly. There something she wasn't being truthful about, something she was hiding from him.

I nodded not trust myself with many words at this point. It was a long time since anyone had actually wanted to just be friends with him seeing as he was the baker's son and now he was a victor.

"I have to collect my paints now, but one day in the future I'd like that." I said.

She looked into my eyes while her hands traveled away from my shoulder and around my back. I looked away and tried not to think about the hug that said much more, but seemed to mean less.

I leaned back and slowly pulled away. She slowly walked away from the station platform- how long she took to leave completely is a mystery to me. I never turned from my spot, waiting for the train.

**All I Need****Katniss**

I gave him time. He gave me a glance. He barely new me before, but now all I wanted was for him to know at least some of me now. Before he can entirely drift away I want him to learn how to be my friend. Maybe that's how I should have started.

But I was desperate. Desperate to know the boy. Desperate as if it were the need of the air I breathe.

That's why I'm going to meet with him, start over. Maybe being friends is where we really needed to start.

I pulled myself from my thoughts not quite aware of how much time had passed.

As I made my way towards my woods this morning I breathed in the fresh morning air as I stared out towards the woods. Just taking a look at the fence reminded me of Peeta. Peeta coming here to meet with me. And as I shimmied my way under the cool metal barrier I thought about how much changed.

I had wanted a boy to know me. I wanted him to live. I wanted to change, and for a brief moment I didn't know if this good. I shouldn't want to change for anyone but myself.

Brushing off the dirt from my shirt and pants I started to make my way towards the trees. Grabbing my bow and its' arrows I listened to the empty sound of the forest too early for much to be awake, but peacefully for me to gather before the animals decided to roam.

Peeta would be coming here today. It was the only logical place to meet, but not the rock. I decided that I couldn't go there again- not for a while. Things were still too unstable between us right now. I needed to show him I could let him be my friend. I could let myself care for him and earn some trust.

I take my time. Gathering this and that for Prim, my mother, Sae, and others. I don't seem to realize that time is slipping by, and by the time that I do I have no idea how Peeta is already sitting on a log next the patch I'm currently picking Blueberries.

"What' s your favorite color?" He asks. I take a step toward him, but then pause. I have no idea why he wants to know and for some reason that makes me want to clam up.

"I like orange, but you don't have to spill that secret if you don't want to. I'm just curious." Of course he offers up this bit of himself, and I'm worried now about how him knowing will affect me.

"Green. Like the leaves.", very creative I tell myself…. "What kind of orange do you like? Not pumpkin I hope?" I've never seen an actually pumpkin but in my family book we have a faint drawing of what one looked like.

His eyes light up and he laughs, "Haha no Katniss. More like a sunset. It's your turn for a question, if you'd like." He asks me and gives me the chance to reject. I'm selfish he's trying and despite my words I'm giving a lousy attempt.

"Do you like music?". I know from his capitol interviews that he loves the valley song, but I am also positive there is a back-story to that. Not many people in the district even remember all the words to that melody.

He cracks another smile, smaller than the last. I need to have my share of this happy memory of his. "I remember hearing the Valley Song as a young child, and falling in love with the song.

The lyrics are so awe inspiring." Peeta pauses and looks out towards the fence, "They make me forget sometimes. I forget who I am. Where I'm from. Somehow just a simple song is a happy place for me to rest. Just like in the song."

**Pretending Not to Feel Alone********Peeta**

Katniss,

There you go, and here I'll stay. Keeping low. And you'll never wanna play. You wander far, and now I'm disappearing.

My feet feel stuck in place and I'm not moving. I have troubles, so deep. I wonder if pretending not to feel alone is working. Who knows?

How could you be what I wanted? I have troubles so deep and the reality of it all is only escalating. I'm leaving for my tour tomorrow.

I've been up and down. We've been flying so high. I'd ignored the fact that I needed to keep up with the game. I have duties Katniss whether I like them or not. If I can pretend not to feel alone on this tour, then you can put on a brave front for me?

I need you to come to my house for me while I'm gone. It's not charity I need you to take care of my garden? I promise it won't be hard. Think of it as the woods, but an infant version. Just water then I have a hose out back just turn the nob you'll be okay. Take a vegetable or too with you, please! I can't have them go to waste while I'm gone.

We the sun goes down can you catch the sunsets for me? Hmm I'm not going to able to see too many good ones while I'm traveling.

Questions for you:

If you could be animal what would it be, and why? (Be spontaneous we're only young once)

When you're in the woods what do you like to watch the most? - I've seen you looking at the clouds, so I know you do dream watch. Don't deny it!

Are you afraid for the reaping? Because I am.

Peeta

**Lost When the Wind Blows********Katniss**

It was only days after our meeting in the woods. It seems with school coming to a close my days were becoming emptier without the meager assignments to fill my days. The only thing that seemed to be on my mind was the games.

In the night I'd dream about anything and everything my brain could relate to the games. Prim, Peeta, or Gale sometimes all of them could be heard screaming in my dreams. Morning would break and the cycle restarted as I dressed, and headed out towards Peeta's in the dim light of the morning. Trudging through his gate to the backyard I begin to water the plants aimlessly thinking about him.

Mutts chased him while he bled through the forest. Fire that scorched his back and shoulder.

These collecting pictures flood my mind, and I am startled out of my thoughts realizing I've sloshed water all over my shoes, thus flooding his soil onto the concert of his small walkway.

Begrudgingly I remember Peeta reminding me of the key he kept outside in case Haymitch ever needed him. That's not likely. I can almost here the drunken Haymitch in my mind growl at the idea of needing something other than white liquor.

I'm looking for a the broom around the downstairs. The corner of what I guess is a office proves successful. But as I leave I notice a page of ink written words with blotchy ink and crossed out words scattered about several sections.

I can almost hear the words coming off the page. I'm reading as I move towards the kitchen. Falling into a chair. I'm actively committing a crime against a victor. I'm committing a sin, betraying Peeta's trust.

I'm reading about his despair.

_I gave my hand for you to hold_

_I gave my love that you went and sold_

_How do you soften_

_The thought of carrying coffins?_

This makes my chest feel like a rock is sitting on it. Peeta loves to help people, and the games is leaving him bitter over everything including have survived. Because I told him he must.

_Only got to see us wither and die_

_You say you'd stand even if this would all fall_

_You're yearning, yielded when you hit the wall_

_I shut your ears, tried to make you hear my call_

I guess I did change this up on Peeta. I got to choose when we said "allowed" certain things, and when things were getting too confusing. He felt smothered. I felt desired. He needed time to adjust. He needed family, and I gave him neither that or time.

_But you were long gone, no hope in a sunless dawn_

_And I never ever thought I'd hear these words be said_

_Now I lay here in an unmade bed_

_Empty stomach's unable to be fed_

I'm a foolish and selfish girl. I want all with working for it to be mine. He wanted me and I ignore him until the last possible moment, and expect him to just accept me with open arms when I continually try to hide.

_Your ego swallowed you and from there you fled_

_So far away _

_Could not find your way back_

_Walked down this path_

_Where feet slipped through the cracks_

In the darkness of the kitchen I just wish you'd be here to let me save you from yourself. I want to save you before the capitol or anyone else can smother the last of you that's made me crazy with this unknown feeling of want.

_How do you soften _

_The thought of creating a coffin?_

I shakily put the papers back into the room, and leave. The pool of soil and un-watered plants forgotten.

**CUE Peeta**

I've been gone a while. But now on the last legs of my tour towards the capitol my ruthlessly crowded mind has begun to fumble for distractions. In the dark of my compartment I draw on the leg of my pants with my fingertips just trying to distract myself. In less than a couple of minutes it will be announced that we have arrived, and I'll have to "clean-up" my act, or so I tell myself.

Too late to turn away I exit the train compartment and head towards the door to leave the train. Haymitch and Effie are waiting for me with a sweet smile and a scowl.

"You requested that I take my time and relax" I slip past Haymitch heading between the semi-safeties of the train towards the watchful eye of the capitol. "Look it has been a long journey for us all before you witness a more grumpy me. Let's just get the penthouse and rest?" I try to sound more exhausted than I feel. I'm tired but not the type that I want to sleep. I've worn out my imitation-tolerance-cheerfulness mode for the day.

Haymitch just nods and in the short walk from the train to the waiting cars. I pass waiting 'fans', and easily slip into the waiting car. Towards what was once my brief prison, but now seems to be the only relief I from my district.

During "my" celebration I meet more capitol people than I care to think existed. I'll have to employ every trick in the book to steady my heart. I've got only a couple more minutes until I have stayed the required amount of time Effie deemed polite. I have no self-control when it comes to running both from here and from her. Succumbing to the innate feeling that I'll come home to a whole new game.

**Halfway Point********Katniss**

Katniss I tell myself, you need to calm down. Breathe in and out.

I need to think clearly. Peeta's been back for at least a week without out reaching out to me, so if he's ignoring me why can't I do the same? I still don't know what it is that he needs me to understand.

But after reading his letter I can see now how truly broken he must really feel. How eerie it must be to be in a district where you have been received, and like toy too special to use everyday has been place onto a shelf only to be used and praised the next games.

He isn't perfect…far from it. But with the mandatory capitol viewings of the tour we all caught a glimpse of district seven's female victor with him. Our newest victor possibly befriended the forestry districts axe murderess victor.

We if he doesn't seem to know who he is and what he wants, how can he expect me to know and express it?

…

For all the years that we went to school together and recent events I still don't know how to approach Peeta. It's only through word of mouth that I realize that he's been coming to Hob to trade goods for dying goods.

"Peeta," I call, lightly moving towards him.

He slightly moves to the side and looks up at me. His eyes are confused and questioning.

"I just want to talk to you," I say harshly. Dammit, so much for a caring demeanor.

He just looks at me for a long while before immediately resuming his purchase with a polite goodbye and smile. As he turns back towards me he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and begins to weave out the Hob slowly.

He doesn't turn around to see if I've followed, and only stops walking until we've reached the meadow. Here he sets down his bag and turns to me.

"Looking back, I never once talked to you before the games. I never asked you why you seemed so indifferent to people. I never thought to question why you only associated with Gale or Prim. You could have been different, been the fastest runner, the most cunning debater.

You just didn't seem to care, really you seemed unimpressed, so that just proves that with all my watching I missed something. For all the infatuation I had for you I'm bothered that I looked over the fact that you were trying to survive."

I look up at Peeta and ask, " But we all are."

His eyes are wide with disbelief. Did he know that I knew about it. "It wasn't until you came to visit me that I thought maybe I'd done something right. But then again I just saved your best friend from his last reaping."

I began pacing and only stopped to look at him with narrowed eyes and clipped words" Peeta. I was worried. We'd had so many options to make each other realize that we had a choice. You didn't force me to make a choice too soon." I take a deep breath, "That was just the catalyst that made me realize I wanted you to know that I chose you. I didn't want you to forget about me."

" Katniss, we know what happened next. I didn't say and do all that to make it home to make you feel worse. I said it because being back home was hard. It hard to know that potentially you didn't really care about me…I didn't really want to see the fact that everything is just mixed up in my head."

My eyebrows shoot up with the new information and my breath hitches, the indicator of pent up tears.

I move towards him and throw my arms around his shoulders. Relieved. His head resting in the crux of my shoulder muffling his words, " You told me to come home. You told me I was worth it. You made me feel like I mattered. I felt like if I disappeared at least one person would miss me. I wanted to be needed." I feel his tears begin to trail down my skin.

"You are needed. I need you. I care about you. You matter, you matter to me."

** . Peeta**

Failing that's what we'd been doing ever since Peeta returned from the games, but his tour was different- we are different.

This 'fix it' mode, trying to be there for one another, trying to be what the other needed was working. I mean 'was'. Fix it mode is exhausting.

I feel like I'm failing. The infamous Mellark cannot succeed in anything to do with an Everdeen past talking.

It's not as though we don't see each other often know. With things much more clear between us the questions seemed to die down; but being available, giving and getting space didn't seem to be enough for her. I was still missing something.

She was with me, but at the same time it was a much too gentle Katniss. I think she knew that with the 75th games coming up I was retreating more and more, and with that she came to me more and more.

…

The night of the announcement of the card was the most nauseating almost more than my name being pulled. She had not even turned seventeen. Prim was only fourteen. These kids were too innocent, unknowing, and simply pure. I wouldn't know if we could celebrate…if she was spared.

I'm holding onto my couch for dear life. Not caring to listening to the speech of Snow's. I'm just holding on when I see his a child come up to him with the envelope. The card that would ruin another bout of children's' lives.

" To repent for the sins of their forefathers each district will send only one male tribute. He may be allowed to …" I don't hear what Snow has to finish with tonight. I just throw back my head and laugh. I loose track of time. I feel like I'm going to live tomorrow. She will survive another year.

I don't remember how or why, yet the next moment I look around I'm collapsed in the woods. My muscles once rigid with tension are now relaxed onto the forest floor.

Now with no one watching I can let myself breath.

Once I open my mouth I silently scream.

**Just Around the Corner********Katniss**

Another reaping passes our tribute, the son of the cobbler, he never made it. He had always been sick. We don't know if he decided to move from his plate, or if he was "recommended" by one of his mentors… I can only imagine that he was spared an even crueler death.

But just like last time Peeta doesn't return immediately. However, this time I can't seem to find him on the television feed at all.

I guess I'm more than angry when his father falls ill, and still there has been no word from him. What is so important to him over there?

….

Haymitch won't say anything or see anybody while his neighbors been absent. The already tense district is more of a ghost town as more peacekeepers arrive. I keep watch, just like he asked, of his plants. But this time I don't ever stray into his house… not again.

…

It seems everything has changed over night. Though only three months from the end of the 75th games, and I'm angry- nothing is the same. Why did I think it ever could be? I've been too naive, too selfish, and too oblivious.

By now everyone here and in the capital knows mister Mellark is dying. It's been four months since…

I wonder if he's going to be home for the funeral. I'm beside myself, I'm miserable, and it's because one boy isn't home. I feel like I'm ready to admit to him that I-

I hear something from the inside of his house. It can only mean one thing, since no one- not even Haymitch dare to enter this young man's home.

I'm not sure why but I start to feel rage coil up inside. I rush towards the front of the house, although, I can only say that what I see around the corner is not what I thought I'd find tonight.

He might really be home, but his shell of his former self is dejected looking.

In my bold, yet shy way I walk towards him shakily.

He's taller, but thinner. He stops his hands in his curly hair.

I'm so close, and even his eyes look so far away.

"Katniss," even the way he says my name sounds too far away. "I'm so, so ,so sorry." He always has had a way of apologizing first. Always helping me find my way.

But this time I'm too enraged and sick of seeing him upset. I can feel it. I'm going to say a lot of stuff that I regret. I think he knows without seeing my thoughts that he's not going to come out of this greeting unscathed.

I just yell, "WHAT THE HELL PEETA. What was so important over there? Your father is dead, and you only come back for the funeral!" I lurch forward in the inches between us and push him. He only stumbles backwards. That was too easily. He can't get off that easily. "I didn't get a chance to say good-bye", I spit at him, "now you don't either what kind of son does that?" I come an inch from hitting his face when his hand catches mine. I don't think I'll ever forget the look.

His eye so glazed over with unshed tears, his trembling hand holding mine, the bruises under his eye I'm just noticing, and the way I finally notice the bandages peaking out of his shirt collar.

He just lets go. He just backs away. He doesn't take back his luggage. He moves towards his door again without looking back. I can see his shoulders begin to shake as the door finally closes.

I'm so checked out that I didn't see that he wasn't alright. If I'd waited a minute to say what was needed… I created another burden for him. I spread the disease of guilt further into his heart. I almost hit him.

My brain going in a thousand directions suddenly remembers the note. The dark and scary note that Peeta had written not too long ago; the note that made me vow not to let him feel unwanted.

I rush inside his unlocked house.

**It's Not Normal. I'm Not Normal. Anymore Peeta**

I'm not normal. I couldn't possibly be normal not after what happened.

This first thing I do is go towards my drawing room. I need to write. I need write and get all this stuff out of my head.

I find the room virtually untouched since I was last here. What almost a year ago? I slam the papers I see to the ground. I take the pencils, and shout like a beast as I throw them towards the window. But this only exacerbates my shoulders. The shoulders that were too weak to really hold me up anymore.

I slide onto the floor. My back lying on the cold wood floor, and my heart beating erratically. I don't bother to look up when as I notice someone that could only be her come into the room.

She begins to speak, but not the apology I think would be on her lips. _"I gave my hand for you to hold, I gave my love that you went and sold"_ I gasp how could she know. My mind races to figure out how she could know. Tell me she didn't… _"How do you soften, the thought of carrying coffins?... I tired to make you hear my call"_ I shut my eyes. Maybe if I don't look I won't be able see her lips move. She betrayed my trust. This must have been when she got so clingy. This is way she was always scared to leave me alone. Tears prick my eyes and fall over.

"Peeta, it was an accident that I found that letter. But I'm so glad that I did."

"It wasn't right for you to read it. Do you think I'm crazy now. You don't understand what the capital and games are like!"

"No, I don't think you're crazy. You're scared, and feeling a heavy weight on your chest now, am I right? You needed time to adjust, and know you need time to readjust."

I'm shouting. I'm lifting myself off the fool. Standing up for myself. "Then why didn't you think of that as you yelled at me? When you almost hit me? When I could see the disgust in your eyes!"

She looks so ghostly. So afraid, but she still steps towards the beast. "I love you too much to let you let go completely. I've felt smothered by the feeling that you were in the capital. But now I know you were being hurt, Peeta, I saw the bandages…", as her arms begin to wrap around the beast she whispers, "I love you too much to be foolish and let you think I eternally hate you".

She loves me. She said it.

I fall into the ghostly arms, and finally sob.

The girl loves me. My father is dead. The capital broke me.


End file.
